Yes, well.

I'm back!

Well, its not like anyone reads this.  But keeping the illusion of love towards myself keeps me happy, which makes me want to write, which makes me want to be a better writer.  And such.  Anyway, I wanted to talk about malaise.

Recently, I started playing Civilization 4 again.  Anyone who has felt the loving embrace of this game knows the wonderful feeling of crushing spearmen with tanks, or the frustration of no one ever willing to trade their iron with you.  Ever.  Its absurd.  But, back on topic.  Civ grasps you and refuses to let go.  Its the closest I will ever come to be truly addicted to anything.  The structure of the game invites you to keep jamming the enter key in the vain hope that something great will happen in the next turn.  It probably won't, but you will still do it hundreds of times in a single game.  Your determination will see your tiny nation grow from a single settlement in some godforsaken jungle to a colossus bestriding the world.  Or overrun by ruthless barbarians.  Civ loves them some barbarians.

I had bought Civ 4 as soon as it came out.  That was several years ago.  But the alluring siren call of bombing railway lines and crushing peasants with tanks/knights/zulu warriors constantly calls me back.  Each game provides its own unique narratives, with starting positions and resources playing an overwhelming hand in how each civilization fares.  No oil?  Call up the troops, its time to invade your neighbor.  No iron?  Time to call up the troops and yell angrily and throw rocks and hope for the best.  No copper?  Barbarian overlords.  However, you could easily cruise through the game playing diplomat or peace loving hippies.  Its all about choices, which Civ 4 has in spades.

However, after a while a certain malaise sets in.  The repetitive nature of the game tends to give you a strong sense of deja vu, because you tend to be doing the same thing over and over again.  Its somewhat akin to an MMO, where you furiously press the same three or four buttons for hours on end.  I love civ 4, but eventually the eyes glaze over and I have to take a lengthy break from the game or lose my sanity.  I get a certain feeling of malaise, where I don't want to do anything that involves whatever I allready have.  However, I could chalk that up to the seattle weather as much as anything else (the sun is a crutch!).  So, what do I do?  I load up fall from heaven 2!  Sweet!  Its new!  With orcs!  FUCK YEAH!