The constraints of time.

As I get older, time becomes my most precious resource. It is the thing I have the least amount of. When I have spare time, my wife tends to capitalize on it. Now that we have a house, what time my wife doesn't take I use to improve our ancient house (I like my house, but it has its fair share of problems). So when I do happen upon some glorious free time, that I can use to do whatever I want, what do I play? Why, an old-ass game, thats what.

Civilization the fourth is the closest I will ever come to abusing a controlled substance. I will admit, I'm not that great at it. I usually play at the prince difficulty. Anything lower and I steamroll the lobotomized computer opponents, anything higher results in my spearmen getting run over by tanks. In the classical age. Bah. Much has been said about this game. But it still continues to draw me in, years after its release. Part of it is the look of the game. If I played any other game from that period it would look rather pedestrian. But the art style just doesn't seem to age. The game was released in 2005. The same year as the Xbox 360. Graphical and art design has changed by leaps and bounds in that time. Yet Civ hasn't changed, and it hasn't lost its appeal.

Its fairly incredible what we do when we want to waste our time. I have a stack of new games waiting to be played, but I spend my time on something that predates my current video game console. I find Civ 4 to be comforting. It rewards you in direct proportion to how much time you spend with it. The more and deeper that I get into the game, the greater the emotional reward. Micromanaging is something I don't particularly like to do, and I can gloss over it while I play. But when I do pay close attention, I gain a much more significant reward for my efforts. Very few games feel this rewarding for simply surviving in the game world. Even when you are mediocre, you can do something interesting. There is allways something to do, allways something to try. Thats what keeps pushing me back to Civ. It still has new things to do, after four years of play.

Renting

Trying to rent a game at blockbuster is horrendous.  It blows.  Nothing is ever there.  Thats why I just signed up for gamefly.  Maybe I can rent a new game within three months of its release.  

Some background on this.  I live across the street from a blockbuster, so its the easiest thing in the world to go across the street and pick up a movie.  Theres allways something random enough there to interest me.  I kind of like their selection; while they have all the new stuff, they have tons of tv shows there to pick up.  So I can torment my girlfriend with Battle Star Galactica (BSG from now on) from the very beginning.

But the games section is allways a deserted wasteland.  While there are numerous copies of Fallout 3 (bought it), Far Cry 2 (steam!), or Fracture (better served by setting it on fire), nothing that you might actually want to play is there.  Mirrors edge hasn't been on the shelf in over 2 months, and Prince of Persia hasn't been for over a month.  I don't know what the hell these dudes do, just grab a game and put it in their secret box of gold dubloons?  Mirrors edge should take a week, at the most, to complete.  Yet its absence mocks me.  Wanting something and constantly being denied tends to strengthen the appetite.  So thats why I signed up for Gamefly.  Being haunted by the spectral promises of parkour and e-surance cut scenes was just too much to bear.

Yes, well.

I'm back!

Well, its not like anyone reads this.  But keeping the illusion of love towards myself keeps me happy, which makes me want to write, which makes me want to be a better writer.  And such.  Anyway, I wanted to talk about malaise.

Recently, I started playing Civilization 4 again.  Anyone who has felt the loving embrace of this game knows the wonderful feeling of crushing spearmen with tanks, or the frustration of no one ever willing to trade their iron with you.  Ever.  Its absurd.  But, back on topic.  Civ grasps you and refuses to let go.  Its the closest I will ever come to be truly addicted to anything.  The structure of the game invites you to keep jamming the enter key in the vain hope that something great will happen in the next turn.  It probably won't, but you will still do it hundreds of times in a single game.  Your determination will see your tiny nation grow from a single settlement in some godforsaken jungle to a colossus bestriding the world.  Or overrun by ruthless barbarians.  Civ loves them some barbarians.

I had bought Civ 4 as soon as it came out.  That was several years ago.  But the alluring siren call of bombing railway lines and crushing peasants with tanks/knights/zulu warriors constantly calls me back.  Each game provides its own unique narratives, with starting positions and resources playing an overwhelming hand in how each civilization fares.  No oil?  Call up the troops, its time to invade your neighbor.  No iron?  Time to call up the troops and yell angrily and throw rocks and hope for the best.  No copper?  Barbarian overlords.  However, you could easily cruise through the game playing diplomat or peace loving hippies.  Its all about choices, which Civ 4 has in spades.

However, after a while a certain malaise sets in.  The repetitive nature of the game tends to give you a strong sense of deja vu, because you tend to be doing the same thing over and over again.  Its somewhat akin to an MMO, where you furiously press the same three or four buttons for hours on end.  I love civ 4, but eventually the eyes glaze over and I have to take a lengthy break from the game or lose my sanity.  I get a certain feeling of malaise, where I don't want to do anything that involves whatever I allready have.  However, I could chalk that up to the seattle weather as much as anything else (the sun is a crutch!).  So, what do I do?  I load up fall from heaven 2!  Sweet!  Its new!  With orcs!  FUCK YEAH!